As another weekend draws to an untimely end, 35 hours of soul destroying tedium circles through your conscious like a corporate feathered vulture. Sunday's television schedule does little to distract you from the thoughts of a job that you once donned your finest suit to secure, and here, in a moment of depressing clarity is the realisation that, "this is your life." Instead of a red book filled with your greatest feats and wittiest one-liners, the best that you can achieve is two pages of Arial 11 point detailing your employment history and one or two hobbies that you added in a desperate attempt to make it sound as though you were a true team player and not the mis-anthropic, work-hating malcontent that you actually are.

If this sounds familiar then fear not, you are not alone. The Daily Grindstone is here to help you through the perils of employment and give weight to your long held belief that, despite the hype, work just isn't that great. So... make another cup of tea (remember that a full kettle takes longer to boil and can add minutes to your break), get comfortable, and prepare to adjust the scales of the work-life balance a little more in your favour.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Office Tennis

The inexperienced skiver can be identified by a morose expression and penchant for studying clocks. Gazing at the hour hand of a Seiko wrist watch is a thankless task and many would-be timewasters will eventually succumb to the lures of diligence. For shirkers wishing to avoid the pitfalls of hard work, there are a number of activities that can help to stave off the boredom of watching your life expire. In the run up to the Office Olympics, the Daily Grindstone will be presenting some of the greatest office sports.

Office Tennis

Office tennis is a simple but rewarding game that involves two active participants and one irritating but gullible colleague. The game begins when the first player “serves” the ball. To serve, player one beckons the irritating colleague (the ball) and provides a reason for them to approach the other player. Eg. “Have you started work on the XYZ report yet? I think that maybe Dave could help as he did it last year.”

Having received the ball, player two should “return play” by answering the query and creating a reason to ‘return’ the ball to player one. Eg. “Yes I did work on that report but I think Tim presented it. Why don’t you ask him to send you the slides?” Should the ball lose interest or, for any other reason, fail to return, the last player to execute a successful play will gain one point.

The first player to reach eleven points is deemed the winner and can progress to the next round of the tournament.

Scoring points can be made easier by presenting your opponent with a difficult question to answer or deflect.

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