As another weekend draws to an untimely end, 35 hours of soul destroying tedium circles through your conscious like a corporate feathered vulture. Sunday's television schedule does little to distract you from the thoughts of a job that you once donned your finest suit to secure, and here, in a moment of depressing clarity is the realisation that, "this is your life." Instead of a red book filled with your greatest feats and wittiest one-liners, the best that you can achieve is two pages of Arial 11 point detailing your employment history and one or two hobbies that you added in a desperate attempt to make it sound as though you were a true team player and not the mis-anthropic, work-hating malcontent that you actually are.

If this sounds familiar then fear not, you are not alone. The Daily Grindstone is here to help you through the perils of employment and give weight to your long held belief that, despite the hype, work just isn't that great. So... make another cup of tea (remember that a full kettle takes longer to boil and can add minutes to your break), get comfortable, and prepare to adjust the scales of the work-life balance a little more in your favour.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Snooze Button Surfing

To snooze or not to snooze, for that is the real question facing the unwilling participants of “alarm clock Britain.” Across Albion’s green and fertile lands are tired office workers dragging themselves out from beneath warm and faithful bed sheets. Whilst it is hard to derive any pleasure from this hateful obligation, for the thrill seeking employee, gambling against the alarm clock is just the motivation needed to begin the working day.

Once the alarm clock has sounded, there are only two options available to the Rip van Winkle wannabee - to sleep or not to sleep. Whilst the lesser slacker diligently marches themselves to the nearest bathroom, the half-conscious daredevil shuns the ‘call to work’ and fires a well aimed shot at the alarm clock snooze button.

Gambling on the number of times that one can press snooze before being irreversibly late for work, provides hours of entertainment/sleep. Whilst most athletes attribute their accomplishments to hard work and dedication, the “Snooze Button Surfer” can achieve unrivalled success without ever needing to open an eyelid. One “Surfer” be-known to the Daily Grindstone, once claimed to have left himself just six minutes before stepping out of the door. How did he achieve this? Idleness and the occasional late night.

After a few weeks of snooze surfing, one will appreciate the simple pleasure that comes from mastering your alarm clock. No longer shall that mechanical Hitler decide when you rise from your slumber!

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