Unless you are lucky enough to work from home or are unfortunate enough to be blinded to the colour red, you should know that today is Comic Relief. Whilst few of us could find fault with helping the needy, the manner in which office charity days aim to wrench money from our pocket can be a little grating to the sensibilities. I am not arguing that altruism should be confined to the privacy of an anonymous bank transfer, but I am questioning whether it is entirely necessary for me to endure another hour of forced reversion to sado masochistic childhood as yet another balding middle aged man waxes his legs in the name of philanthropy.
Whilst the end result should be applauded (and yes I do donate) Comic Relief's tag-line "Do something funny for money," is inherently flawed. Adults of a working age who are in a position to do something funny for money are called "Comedians" and have worked long and hard to establish what is funny and what is simply a half hearted act of non-committal by a monotonous bore. If we were to change the tag line to, "Do some brain surgery for money," would office clerks still feel qualified to assume this role?
It maybe that my concept of humour differs from that of my colleagues, but try as I may, I have been unable to find the punch line in spraying my hair red. If only we could use a small proportion of the money raised to educate our employees in the time honoured craft of comedy, I am sure that we could avoid the muscle damage that arises from contorting our face into an uncomfortable cringe as the wacky receptionist declares that they will, once again, bathe in a bath of cold baked beans.
Despite the well intentioned aims of the office charity day, I prefer my philanthropy served private. Although I may be averse to watching the mock-humiliation of my workmates, I do not wish to belittle the efforts of anybody who has given up their time raising money for Comic Relief. Like much of the Daily Grindstone my words should be taken with a heaped tablespoon of salt. Should the taste be unpleasant, I am happy for readers to spit them out without any concern of offending.
If you wish to donate to Comic Relief and mercifully cannot think of anything 'funny to do for money,' please visit: